A new home... so to speak...

So, as those of you know… I used to have a blog at www.cripplingcousins.blogspot.com, but after my sister-in-law changed over to a new blog… I thought to myself… Self, I believe that crippling cousins has bad connotations. It was good for a season, but now, I am passed the negative connotations. I am moving on to a time when I am free to dream and laugh and love and be whatever I want to be when I grow up. I am going to live my life laughing and dreaming big with God!! I will keep updating from this website, http://alldaydreamin.wordpress.com , regarding my health as well as what is happening in my every day life. I hope you all have a great day or evening… Whenever you may read this. I am going to come back soon and catch up on what is going on in my head so to speak! Until next time….

Power to Live...

I do not think that we really understand or want to know just how powerful we really are. We have the power to help facilitate life or death into the lives of those around us. You are probably thinking to yourself... Yes, we can give birth to babies or we can kill someone with a gun, but alas my friends... You are not giving yourself enough credit...

When we choose our words we can choose to be negative or positive. I had a friend today encourage me by telling me who she saw me to be and what talents I possess. She told me something that I may not see if I were looking into a mirror... I mean, looking into a mirror you never really see yourself, you only see your reflection. When my friend told me these positive attributes it made me want to help others and be all that God created me to be. It made me want to take on the world, really walking hand in hand with Jesus, putting it all out there and risking the possibility of getting it all wrong.

If my friend had decided to tell me negative things about myself... You may see life fall from my eyes for a bit. When I could have taken on the world, I may now just want to believe that I can't do it anyways so why even try.

We are powerful... period. I just want to pose a thought to you... When you are stressed or tired or fed up with the little things in life or busy or wanting to feel better about yourself... Are you going to create words of life or death? Are you going to support someone and help them become the best version of themselves or are you going to sit and get jealous of their walk with Jesus and the life they get? I hope that I will remember to think before I react and help people succeed and feel loved and treasured and special. I mean, I would want someone to do the same for me :)

Les Miz...

So tonight my mom, dad, Lex and I went to go see our our friend in Les Miz. I personally love this musical and between that an the Phantom of the Opera could watch them repeatedly! As I watched it closely, I saw a few main takeaways that we all could bring into our every day lives. Grace, redemption, forgiveness, love... These are all things that we struggle with.

Grace, I once heard someone say, I was in a situation where I could have stopped the person from doing something wrong, but when does punishment need to come into the picture... Am I supposed to show them grace or help them "learn their lesson by paying the consequences".... First, I would like to make a side note that I am not saying I do not believe in consequences for actions because whether we like it or not, there are consequences even if we are not the ones to put them into action. But, as I heard this story, I thought about what I would have done and what could have taken place had I chosen each side of the coin... Then I saw Les Miz again tonight and there are two situations where grace is being given and changes the course of someone's life. The minister shows Jean Valjean grace when he steals from his home and in return says he hopes this will turn him into an honest man... Jean Valjean turns his life around and later shows grace to Javert even though he knows Javert will probably hunt him until he dies... In the Bible it says that God's love brings people to redemption... not his consequences or wrath... His love... Now, I am stepping back into the previous situation applying the concept of grace... If I were in the above situation and let the person get what they deserve, they may learn a lesson or they would get punished and possibly put in jail for a small crime and get a good lesson in criminology... Or what if I happened to show the person grace and walked up to them and said, I know what you are thinking about doing... and you can either steal from this store and in get in huge trouble or you can walk away right now... You have the choice... You are not stuck with your previous decision, you are free to change the course of your own life in this minute... The person may go ahead and steal, or they may not steal this time... but I bet you the love that I had shown to that person will stick with them the next time they are thinking about putting something into their jacket that is not theirs... and even if they steal every day for the rest of their lives... I know that it is not my duty to punish people and so why wouldn't I give them the benefit of the doubt and show grace in situations... Give people a chance, don't expect them to mess up, because if you do, if you may not see the little ways that they are succeeding each day! Oh, and if you think they will mess up... that is probably because we all know that we mess up, but that is how we learn and start new and help each other out...

Redemption... A few definitions of this word are... Deliverance upon payment of ransom; rescue... Recovery of something pawned or mortgaged... or the act of delivering from sin or saving from evil.... We have been redeemed... We have someone that loves us so fiercely that He payed the ransom for our sin and has rescued us from evil. We are redeemed right now... Not in 5 or 10 years when we have our stuff together... We have been redeemed and set free from our sin! We don't need to be perfect or look perfect... We can open up our hands and hearts and accept this wonderful give from someone who knows us and all of our secrets and is not ashamed of us or wishes we had done differently. We were made the way we are on purpose... God didn't accidently drop in some drops of a "mess" and call it ok.. He hand crafted each one of us beautifully and called us Good... The creator of the universe calls us Good... Now that is what I am talking about!! :)

Forgiveness... Now this one is a tough one on many levels... The problem that I had and sometimes still have is I like to tie forgiveness in a package with pride and those things don't exactly mix well... They are more like water and oil! For the most part I am a very forgiving person, but for some reason, every once in a while, when I am hurt in a certain way, I feel like I should be justified for not letting go of the other person's throat... That I need to be seen and heard and patted on the head for being hurt. When it comes down to it, I AM THE ONLY PERSON WHO IS MISERABLE!!! When I do not forgive someone, I am not doing myself a favor... The other person isn't being bothered or kept up at night, I am the one who is perturbed and always thinking of how I am the victim... I am not saying that in forgiving someone you need to trust them again... Sometimes it is not a safe person, but for my own sake I need to let their necks go because I am in pain and agony... Plus, once we can learn to forgive we can lead more peaceful and joyful lives because we do not feel the need to make sure someone is punished for their actions...

Lastly, I chose the theme of love... This is last but not least for sure... There was a line in one of the songs sung by Jean Valjean that says... "To love another is to see the face of God"... Sometimes we are so busy with our own lives and what we are doing right versus what others are doing wrong that we forget to love one another. What did Jesus do on Earth? He loved on people... not just an elite group of people... everyone... the whores, the beggars, the sinners the saints, and he even loved on the Pharisees... You may say, he didn't love on them... He punished them for being all about the Law... and if this is your thought, then you are only seeing through the Law... Jesus loved on them by showing them they are wrong... Showing them that there is freedom in relationship with Him and they are missing out on the party... He wanted them to see that it isn't about keeping all of the rules or being perfect... It is about taking your messy life and walking in relationship with Jesus and the people around you and helping each other grow... If we did more of this, loving on those around us where they are at without an agenda, we would impact the world in a much greater way. Everyone wants to go out there and win people for Christ, but they are tearing down those around them... I say for the most part we do not NEED to go anywhere... We need to start loving people in our own back yards and people will come to see the love of Jesus flowing out of us, and that love with flow into other's relationships and the face of God will permeate the world...

Alright, so that was a long one... but if anyone made it all the way to the end... Thanks and I love you all!! Have a great night!! :)

Talk it out...

Some times, or should I say, to often we make excuses for not dealing with a particular issue when it comes to relationships. We let time pass and hope the issue will pass as well, what we do not understand is that we are cheating ourselves and whomever we are in relationship with. We are settling for mediocrity in relationships when we could have phenomenal!

I have just dealt with this kind of situation. Instead of dealing with the issues, I led myself to believe that if I was the "bigger person" or if I just got myself to believe that this is what the other person wanted then I was fine with that. The only problem is, I never asked the other person what they wanted and by being this "bigger person", I was off the hook because I no longer had to confront an issue. I could live my life, at times feeling sorry for myself because this relationship had so much potential, but had such a barrier in the way of thriving. I could have someone to share life with, but instead I watched from the sidelines as others danced through theirs.

I would love to say that I was the one to bring up the issue, but alas, I would be leading you all astray! The issue was brought to my attention and I then got on the phone and called my friend to talk through this issue. We were able to tell our sides of the story and date is back for years, and as I was in this conversation, I realized that if I just would have said something from the beginning, if I would have given as much effort as this relationship is worth to me, then I would have something that would have been so much deeper and free and fun and hard and messy and joyous.

As I am not going to rant, I am going to say that I believe that every person deals with this type of situation in our every day lives. We let an issue go unnoticed, and yes I agree that there are many issues that we can and should let pass, but there are many issues that we "let pass" because we do not want the confrontation. These issues have a way of giving off a little bit of poison every time our hyper sensitive buzzer detects that we are being wronged. If we all could just explain how we are feeling in our relationships and tell each other what hurts us, we can gain understanding and insight and truth. If we let our minds wander around "what if" land, we are short changing ourselves and others. Once we feel hurt, we should let the person/people involved how we are feeling so that this emotion doesn't thrust itself into our imagination, free to become as large as we let it.

If we can just open our mouths and have a conversation, I think we may be surprised by how much it helps our relationships and even helps the sun shine into every moment of our day. Just think about it... :)

Living Life Loved...

I think so many times we just accept the way things are as the best they can be. Letting everyone else dictate to us how we see the world. We empower people to have control over our lives in so many ways, if they do something, if they do not do something, if they voice an opinion that is not even remotely right or kind in the least bit.

People like to have opinions, people like to be heard, everyone is searching for someone to validate what they say, but it doesn't mean that we have to let them change the whole outlook on our day.

I want to choose to live loved, I know that Jesus loves me and I love Him and that I have great friends and family, but how many times do I let one person's opinion change the course of my entire day? How many times do I let one thought decide what is true and right and good? Why do I choose to believe lies, when I know that I have the biggest advocate on my side and is for me and loves me, as I am, standing in this day today?

I am writing this because a week ago, I saw all of the lies that help so tightly onto my day and I saw Jesus' love tear through them and show me the truth that belongs in their places!!

I am choosing to be me and if that is not good enough, then that is ok. I don't have to or need to be liked by everyone to get some form of validation. I know who I am and what I believe and I have people in my life to share all of that with. God will bring people in and out of our lives, I want to love those people, that I may not necessarily enjoy the most. Only I can decide my outlook on the day and which steps with shape my future... Attitude is a big one, and knowing I am loved!!

This was a bit of a ramble, but I think it is about time we accept that we have imperfections and differences, but that is what makes us beautiful and that is what makes us unique. Jesus made us just how he wanted us... He knit us together in our mother's womb. If the creator of the universe knit each one of us together and planned our looks and personalities and likes and dislikes... I am pretty sure we are the most loved children around... We need to remember that as we go through our days...

I am off to bed for now, but that is just a thought that has been a brewin :) haha!! Good night!! :)

From one perfect fit to another,
Amy~

Fall...

Fall is an interesting Concept to me... It makes me think of the fact the circle of life. I know this sounds weird and Yes, I did just watch "The Lion King" with my sister's boyfriend... but, if you think about it... You have green trees and as they are dying their beautiful leaves turn colors or rich reds and burnt orange. Then they fall off and leave the tree, bare with all of the branches exposed. You have the fresh smell of the clean NW air whipping your hair in every which way, but as you look at the tree it is bearing all just standing tall on its own.

This may be an odd way to start a blog, but I was thinking about how Fall represents your legacy. We live, we eventually will die and all that will be left is our legacy... How we are remembered. I know that there are many people in my life that have influenced who I am and have been there through the thick and the thin. For me, I hope I have a legacy of love and caring and that I really made others feel accepted and cherished.

There are a few people at this point in my life who would leave a legacy, I only wish the emulate. My mom, my dad and my sister Lexi. Over the past two or so years, I have been up and down with my health. Through every situation, my mom and dad and sister have been by my side. They have been there to wrap their arms around me when I am sad or to laugh with me and get weak to the point where we have all lost the ability to life our own limbs. I have had nights where I have felt like I was going to get sick and even though my sister is not a fan of throwing up, she was willing to sit it out with me and be there for me if I did get sick just so I was not alone. My parents have helped me out in many ways, they allow me to live at their house and care for me and help me with doctors and sadness and the dramas of being a girl and just do life with me.

That is something that I have been thinking about. We hear that everyone wants people to "do life with" well, for me... That has been shown through the three above... Living life is being... Being present, being available, emotionally or otherwise... I want to learn from my family and when I am with others, putting down my cell phone, letting all of my cares go out the window for the time being because I want the legacy of someone that was present. Someone who was "in" all of my conversations. I want to be known as someone who loved and loved well. I know Jesus has been teaching me how to be physically, because I have not been able to just jump up and do all of the things I have missed, but I think I have missed a huge point in being present in my mind. I love, but do I always give those that I am with my whole attention and treat people like they are the most important person on the planet. Do people walk away from time with me and feel like they are as special as I know they are? If not... I am going to take the steps towards changing that.

This was kind of a ramble tonight, but I think you understand my point... and next time I may start my blog post before 1:30 am... I am probably going to read this tomorrow and find all of my mistakes and find where I did not make sense, but for tonight... I am letting it come as it wishes... Goodnight my friends... I love you all!!

Health update...

So, I went to the doctor today at 2:30 to find out what my test results were. I got in and was sitting down with my doctor and she told me that my IGF-1 (insulin growth factor) was still high and that my growth hormone was high in one test and on the high side of normal for the other test... So, she said we needed to do something. This something looks like a double dose of my chemo... So now I just up my dose on Monday night and Thursday night. The last time I had this high of a dose, I was passing out left and right, so I pray this is not the case in the scenario.

For now the double dose of medication is to control the problem... In September, we are going to start injections which will hopefully cure the problem. The injections will be once a month and they will teach me how to do it so I am able to do it at home, which honestly is not the most ideal sounding resolution, but hey, what can ya do? The downside to the injections is that most people has adverse side effects and about 50% get adverse effects for up to 10 days after the injections... I am personally praying against that because let's be honest... no one wants that!!

So, as of now, I am just kind of going through the motions of it all... I don't know quite how I feel, but I do know that I am so thankful for all of you! Your thoughts, your prayers, your kind words... You are all so amazing!! I love you all!!! Thank you for everything... you definitely give me the strength to put my head up on hard days!! I can't even thank you enough!!!

The Latest Update on My Health...

So, I went to the doctor last week to get my blood drawn to do some testing. When the results came back... they found out that my thyroid is borderline low again, which could be why when I eat so well and exercise why I can't get back into shape... So, hopefully that will help... I am also back on prescription vitamin D, thank you NW with your rain and clouds and all around dreary atmosphere. I have to say that I am glad that we had some sunshine today!!!

As far as the other tests... when I went in they kind of gave me some hypothetical situations. One is just keeping me on my same medication which they are hoping to get me off of because when you are on it for a long period of time it can damage your heart and cause problems when you want to get pregnant, someday of course. The next option was if my IGF-1 was high which is my insulin growth factor... If this is high after a couple of tests then it would mean my tumor is secreting a growth hormone and the first option would be surgery and if it is not in a good place that could not cause any potential damage to my spinal chord or nick my pituitary glad then we will look into injections to stop my tumor from secreting the growth hormone. I am not sure how long or how often I would have to get them, but they would make me really really sick which would not be ideal. :)

Anyways, back to my test results... my IGF-1 came back high so this coming Tuesday at 8 am, I have a 3 hour glucose tolerance test and then the next tuesday I have another 3 hour test and then after that I will meet with my doctor to discuss the results of the tests. From there we will discuss what steps we will take next... So that is the latest and I know it isn't the most interesting read, but I am tired and have a bit of a headache... Thank you all so so so much for praying and for all of your support, it means the world to me! I love you all to pieces!!

Jesus Loves Me...

So, after having an emotional couple of days Jesus likes to throw me for a loop and love on me in all of the right ways. I had no idea a few months ago how much I would be blessed by going and seeing Tyrone Wells perform. I have to lay some ground work, Tyrone’s music has been a great comfort for me through this whole process and when I am down, I just pop in his music and Jesus shows his love to me through song. I hear Jesus through music a lot actually…. Anyways, I went to the dentist this morning and was happy because I did not have any problems… So that was feat one of the day, go to some sort of medical appointment and not have an issue. To most of you, you are probably thinking that this is nothing, but to me this is God’s provision on my heart. I was just telling my mom yesterday how I wish I could go to an appointment and not have some sort of problem for once and here I go to the dentist on “April Fool’s Day” and I have my first appointment in a long time without any complications… Now tell me that Jesus does not have a sense of humor!

I went to meet my friend Amber down at Mississippi studios and we went and ate next door first and made some new friends and saw some interesting characters as well. We had some great conversation and God really used her to speak some truth into my heart… I am finding that one part of me finds it very hard to let others speak truth to me when it comes down to who I am as a person. I am working very hard at accepting it instead of shrugging it off, but I want to grow in any way I can so I am working at it. We then headed over to the concert with Bonnie and Daniel. Tyrone was beaming with the Holy Spirit… It was all over him!! He spoke on a couple different things, one was just about his relationship with Jesus and he was so honest and humble and pure and gentle and genuine… He talked about what he believed and it looked like he was just walking hand in hand with a friend of his. It was beautiful. It makes me want to be more bold with people and stand up for what I believe and what I hold onto with my morals and just cherish what is precious to me. The other thing he talked about was another big one… He talked about women and how society has pushed the wrong image of beauty and just embracing how God created us and said to be confident in who we are because that is the most attractive thing to a guy. It was a message I need to hear because I have struggled with body image issues for way too long!!! I am ready to break free from that and truly live in freedom with Jesus!!

I am so excited because I finally am starting to feel like I am myself again. I am fully back, but I am coming and I am coming strong, with Jesus there is not anyone who can push me down and satan does not have a lie that can keep me anymore… I choose to believe what Jesus says is true, I mean why would I want to believe someone who is not looking out for my best interest? It just doesn’t make sense. I would really challenge everyone to take a look at who you are now and compare that with who you were as a child and see where you may need to release control over and come back to yourself as a child who’s father is ready to embrace You, not who you think someone wants, but He created each one of us different because He wanted diversity and uniqueness and beauty and all of the quirks… We are free to be beautiful and handsome and loved and to love… We are free to put ourselves out there and free to fall back into Jesus’ arms when we get hurt, but just because we get hurt it does not mean that we take ourselves out of the race… Share your dreams with Jesus… Don’t give up on them, they are there for a reason, don’t just accept mediocre as the best you will get… I love you all and am so thankful for who you have been in my life and for the support along my journey… Have an amazing day everyone and sorry for my rambling! :)

Ames~

New Year... New news...

So, I am sorry again for my vacancy on my blog. For some reason, when you are not glued to a couch for months at a time it is hard to sit down and write something worth reading. So, here goes nothing... haha!!

There are a few aspects to this blog... Health (the reason for this blog), upcoming events in my life, and struggles/how God is working... So here goes nothing :)

On March 19th I went into the waterfront offices of OHSU... My first stop was on floor number 3, the MRI, which is not totally invasive but the sounds that thing makes could make cats scream... take a moment, imagine what that would sound like... yes there ya go, now you are in an MRI.... So, I went in and did my waiting in the waiting room (sidenote, have you people ever thought that they need to change that name, waiting room... it is more like an excuse than anything else, they should call it the in and out room) anyways, so my nurse came back and started to go through everything with me, but I am a pro and so I told her that there was no metal on me from head to toe and so I followed her into the room to get my IV placed. One thing a nurse should NEVER say, that my nurse kindly stated was "I am not very good at this". Well, shame on me because I should have asked for another nurse right away, but instead I just sat there and said, "I am sure it won't be bad, I just can't look because it still makes me nervous." Well, here is how the conversation went on:

Nurse: Ok, here comes the needle (small poke)
Me: Oh, that didn't hurt at all
Nurse: I wouldn't say that quite yet (yet another thing a nurse should never say)
Me: Oh... (then in my head... ow ow ow ow... what is she doing in there with that thing?)
Nurse: Oh I think I should call the other nurse... Nurse Sue, nurse Sue... (all the while she is wiggling a little thing in my arm)
Me: (in my head... this feels like she is putting an epidural in my arm... and there she goes again... owwwww pain!!)
Nurse: Oh there we go, I got it...
Me: (in my head... I do not like this lady)

So, after we bonded I followed her back into the room and she connected me to the contrast machine and slid me back into the machine... It went for a while and once it was over, I thought that was the worst part, but alas, she had some more fun planned for me... She tried to disconnected the cord and my IV, but she could not get it so again... We go with the what not to do... She grabs my IV and starts pulling in two directions... She then states "I put this on so tight, it doesn't seem to want to come off... I guess I will just have to break it off... Seriously lady... why!!! Luckily she got it off without a problem so there I was on my way up to the 8th floor, I have never been so excited to visit the neurosurgery level... As I am talking to the receptionist I look down and notice that my blood is coming down my arm from where my IV is... This is a new concept for me as this has never happened before... I told the receptionist and he sent me back to my doctor who stated that it was a total mess and fixed me up... I went through my appointment without a hitch from there on... Praise Jesus!!!

I got the results back and my tumor is the same size as it was before which is not bad, but it is not what they were hoping so they upped my dose of medication... Now I am back to taking it two times a week again instead of once. Most of my bloodwork came back OK as my doctor put... all except my Vitamin D which was low, so my doctor ordered a vitamin D prescription... and my insulin growth factor was up again... which is my growth hormone... I have to go back in, in June and get my levels checked again... If it is high still then I will have to have one more test to truly test it out and if it is high after that then we will look at surgery.

So, now we are onto what is coming up in my life. I am trying to get an internship in marketing and then in the Fall I am planning on going back to Oregon State to get my degree in Marketing. That is the plan for now, so we will see what happens in between now and then.

As far as what I have been struggling with... I have had two friends in particular let's just call them R and T.... :) I had amazing conversations with them and they were so encouraging and speaking truth and healing into me and I was doing so well... and then I went to get my allergy shots today... I had the smallest dose and I had a reaction and they have to talk to my doctor and figure out what to do with me. I got that news and the news about my blood results all in a matter of two or so hours. So, I was driving home... crying which was not the safest thing to do, but I was and I was listening to the United Pursuit Band and the song Arise, Shine came on and it was so good... I could feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. I got home and got everything under control and my doctor's nurse called to make my blood work appointment... well, I got off the phone and bawled... See, this doesn't happen very often because I tend to hold it all in and cry in the shower (for some reason it is the best place for me to do it) anyways, I got myself under control again and went inside just to be asked by Lexi what was wrong... I cried again... Geez!! So, that is what I am struggling with.... Purpose in the hard stuff and feeling the emotions, but not getting lost in them...

Every day brings something a little bit new, but I am ready to face it in relationship with Jesus, because the One who loves me most is the One who is in charge and caring for me in all the details!! Thank you all for praying and I will let you know what happens as soon as I find anything out!! I love you all so much!! Muahhh!!!

Ames~

This past weekend!

So, this past weekend my mom, Lexi, Matthew, and I venture into the cold weather and hopped aboard a plane to good old New York City! The thursday morning started out without missing a beat, our flight was non stop from Portland to JFK, 4 and a half hours, we couldn't have been more happy. We went straight from the airport to our hotel on Long Island and hung out for the evening resting up for the big day ahead of us. (I forgot to mention, the car was a sort of small limo almost reminding one of a batmobile, it was a fun way to start our weekend). You see, Matthew had never been to NY before and we wanted him to see the city especially since it is all decorated for Christmas.

Friday morning we woke bright and early. We were up showered, clothed, hair and makeup done, we rushed down stairs and found our new found friends waiting for us in the restaurant, you see we had gone the night before and eaten dinner, now we were in a rush to get our breakfast, which turned out to be way more money that we could have possibly eaten. Together, Lexi and I, may have eaten $5 worth of food, but our bill told us differently. After we hurried through our meal we ran out to meet our taxi and climbed in headed for Farmington Station just a few miles away. Our cab driver directed us on what tickets to buy and before we knew it we were out in the biting wind and cold waiting for a train to NYC. After about 20 minutes in the cold we could hear the rumbling of the oncoming train, I, being the "mother" that I am, grabbed Matthew and told him to stand far away from the edge as I did not want to see him killed. He gave me a look of, seriously, and I ignored it and said just do it for me. So we were aboard our train into the city. Upon arriving to Penn Station we were excited to start our day. First we went to H&M (we do not have one in Portland) and then wandered along with everyone else in Manhattan through Macy's... That was well, interesting. We finally decided to give up on that store and find a Starbucks, what can we say the NW runs through our blood. Upon warming ourselves and deciding to get make our way towards Inglot our new favorite make up store... We spent a bit of time in there and went around a few other stores near Times Square...

Then our story gets a little interesting... We decided to grab the subway, which is no big deal to the normal group of people and we had done it before. We went down and looked at the map trying to decipher what these foreign symbols were trying to tell us. A nice man decided to show us what rails to take, what luck we were thinking, as the hectic travelers pushed through buying their tickets and passed along the entrance. We tried to figure out what we needed to buy and of course our "helpful friend" was right there to guide us... All of the sudden he was offering to give us tickets if we paid him in cash... It was all happening so quickly, I was looking for a name tag to see if he worked there, mom was following him through the emergency exit, and pretty soon $6 dollars later as the little scammer was scanning for cops we had three tickets in our hands and he was out of sight. After the exchange we all started thinking about how shady it all seemed. So, mom being the upright citizen that she is went right up to a cop and asked if we had done something totally illegal. He automatically said do not buy anything from anyone and took our tickets to see if we had been scammed... He came back to tell us that there is nothing on the cards. We had been played by a new york subway player... and of course all the while mom is saying she is going to go over there and give him a piece of her mind... Ummmmm, we looked at her with mouths open and eyes bulging... "NO YOU ARE NOT", "DO YOU WANT TO GET SHOT" "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" These were all comments rushing out of our mouths sounding astonished... After the cop came and told us he was gone he directed us where to go and before we knew it we were watching the Rockettes in the Christmas Spectacular, followed by seeing the tree at Rockafeller Center, seeing the windows on 5th avenue and eating dinner before returning to the train station and settling for the night at the hotel.

Saturday was a day of excitement... It was the day of our friends' wedding. We got all dressed up and ready to go and met everyone down in the lobby. It was an amazing night filled with food and dancing and love and Jesus. It was out of a storybook somewhere I am sure. That night the snow came down and kept coming down and by the morning our flight was cancelled.


Not knowing what our best option was we gathered our things ate breakfast and headed to the airport, just to find the rest of the world was waiting there as well... After a couple of hours we found out that we would not be able to get out of JFK until Christmas Day at the earliest and Saturday for sure. I researched and found one flight going out of Washington DC the next evening at 9 pm that would take us to San Francisco. We decided to buy the flight and head over the Penn Station. We could not get out that night because of delays, but we were able to get tickets for 4:40 am the next morning. At this point Lexi was not feeling well and so we hurried and found a motel across the street which looked nice from the lobby, well my friends... Looks can be SO DECEIVING... It was the Bates Motel... Old, smelly, creaky! The flights flashed on a pale green which made the eerie old bathroom buzz in the night. Mom reassured Lex that she would feel much better after a shower and so she turned the shower and as the water began to run the smell of cat pee filled the room... It got a little better after a while, but we were all very disturbed... The beds hard as rocks held us for the next couple hours as cold air blew in from somewhere that was not sealed by the window. We were all ready to get up as all four alarms went off at 4 am... We rushed up and walked out into the cold through the snow and the slush to find that our train was delayed... Not only was our train delayed, but Lexi was very sick and miserable. After about an hour and a half we boarded our train and rode to DC... Once in DC we caught up taxi the Dulles International Airport and wating until 9 pm to board our flight to San Fran. Our Virgin America flight was glorious... First class of the best kind although I could not sleep... We arrived in San Fran at midnight and rushed down to get our bags and found our way back to Delta to recheck only to find out that we had to wait until 3:45 am to do so. We put some blankets on the floor and camped out until that dreadful hour. We then stood in line and were told we needed to be at Alaska Airlines and walked over in that direction... After waiting for what seemed forever a lady came and said we do not open until 5 am... we will be back at 5:05 to help you if you want to wait over there and keep your bags in line. By the time we got our bags checked we were now waiting in a long security line... We rushed through and sat at our gate and boarded our plane which was an iceburg of sorts. After our flight home we rushed off the airplane at 9 am with a "Praise Jesus" dance!! We are now at home and clean and happy, but still have not slept since yesterday at 1 am... Tonight we will all sleep well!!! :) Love you all!!

Tonight...

So, today was a wonderful day... It started with my nieces and nephews coming over and it ended with an amazing night of praise and worship. Lex and I went to Katie's church and they had a worship service. They had music, invited people to paint or write on large pieces of paper and they showed a video that was great. The video showed how things can block our sight from Jesus and knowing that He is in control and He can handle all of my problems. As I was sitting there thinking about all of these things that take my eyes off of Jesus and knowing that He can handle any problems, three things came to mind... Pride, fear, and body image. The first is a hard pill to swallow at times and that is what makes it pride, pride comes at times to cover fear or because I feel I need to "do" more with my life. I am learning that what I do does not make me more valuable or more worthy, but I am just learning that God has me where I am at this point and it is right where I am supposed to be. As far as body image goes, it has been something that I have dealt with since I was a Junior in high school. It was never something that caused me to stop eating, I was just never happy with what my body looks like. It has driven my thoughts and actions for way too long. It is something that I have tried to get healing for over and over, but tonight I feel like I have given it truly to the feet of Jesus. I am sick of dealing with this day in and day out. It is an addiction of sorts and I am going to accept it as normal. I told my cousins' small group that those three things are what I wanted to lay at the feet of Jesus, so tonight I am walking with less baggage and my load is light because I have finally let Pride, Fear, and Body Image rest at the foot of Jesus. It is so freeing to know that He can handle all of my burdens and make my load light. I am so thankful for nights like this. God is so good! I love you all and hope you have a great night!!

Test Results...

This is a photo I took from the Tram of Downtown Portland... it was beautiful!!

So, today I went up to OHSU and I got to ride the tram for the first time... It was actually very exciting to me! I enjoyed myself! :) I had a meeting first with my doctor and everything was going great... no symptoms or anything... all great news. So we realized that it has been over a year since I had my last echocardiogram and that I needed another one to check on my valve function. This was the reason that I got to ride on the tram. I got my little pass and went out into the dreadful cold and waited to ride the tram. I made a friend on the tram who works in the opthamology department and gave me a card saying, if I ever needed their services to let him know. I told him thanks, but I try to keep it down to one department at a time, can't have too many problems. I found my way over to the Sam Jackson's Hall and up to the 2nd floor where I was walking around like a lost little puppy. A lady came around the corner and goes, are you lost and are you Amy. I said yes to both and she took me back to the echo room. I had the same guy from last year so I was excited because he is super nice and not creepy at all. We talked about his kids, the holidays, and the big cardiactric convention coming up in San Diego in June. After I got my heart looked at for a while I was sent back down the tram to the 3rd story of the building I came from to get my blood drawn. I think the lady was in a hurry or something, it being the end of the day and all, and she jammed that little needle right into my arm and it was painful... She made a nice little bruise, which I amnot super thankful about... Oh well... at least she got the blood, and hopefully I don't get her again. There is this guy who normally takes my blood who is amazing and nice and cute... Why I didn't get him... I will never know.


Tonight I got my results back from my blood and my echo. My echo is unchanged from last time, which is good news and my hormone levels were low, thus showing that I do not have to go in for another 6 months. When I go in, in 6 months we are hoping my levels are still low because I will be able to come off of my medication at that point and next year I will get another MRI to see that my tumor is gone... hopefully!! I am so happy about this and so thankful for all of the prayers and support. I truly love you all!!! Have a great night!!

From one perfect fit to another,
Ames~

Just so ya know...

Hey, I wanted to let you all know that I go to the doctor on Friday so I will have more info after that. I won't have the test results, but I should have some kind of brain information for you all! Thanks again for the continuous prayers and support! I love you all!!!! Muahhh!!!

Such an exciting night!!

So, last night I went to Memphis to hang with my brother, exchange cars, and go to the Blazer game... We met up with some friends, Jim and Suzanne Walker and Tom and Melissa Penn and met some great new friends. I was talking to my new friends Pam and Lisa, and we were talking about many different things. Lisa's husband took over Larry Franks' practice and so we were talking about my tumor because her husband does that surgery. Pam has worked for the Blazers for 15 years and she invited me to fly on the Blazer's private jet with them today back to Portland, I had to decline because I was not coming back to Portland quite yet, I was pretty sad about it!! Maybe some other time. As we were talking we starting on the topic of Marketing and I said how I took an abilities potential tests and they said I would make a good Marketing Director. We were talking back and forth and they said that I would be great in Marketing for the Blazers which I would love to do! Sports and Marketing! So fun and exciting! Who knows if anything will come of it, but if nothing else I have made some new friends. I am going to be praying that God will work it all out for me.

God is so great! He keeps surprising me and keeping me on my toes. He is making things come together that I would never envision, but would love to do... I will let you all know what he keeps doing in my life! It is incredible! I love you all and thanks for the prayers!! Muahhh!!!

So excited...

So, I thought since my health problems are at a standstill at this time (Praise Jesus), I thought I would talk about what God has been teaching me and talking to me about. I think the biggest one right now is learning and understanding boundaries. I am listening to "Boundaries in Dating" on audiobook in my car and I am going to follow this one up with the main book, "Boundaries". I can't believe how long I have gone in my life without truly understanding boundaries. I have always have boundaries in my life, but I have let others push them a bit, and I am finally learning how to take them back as my own and keep them in place. Without understanding the importance of boundaries at a deep level, it is hard to keep these boundaries exactly where I wanted them to be. I wouldn't ask questions to clarify how I was feeling, I would just try a discrete way to get out of that situation.

After listening to this book, I have found a new strength to hold onto what I know is right and know that the people that get offended by my boundaries are the ones that I need the boundaries for and the ones with good boundaries of their own will be right on board with me taking my boundaries seriously. Also, I have truly understood why it is so important to fully be myself in every situation. I knew it before, but it is sticking with me this time. If you are trying to be someone else, someone may fall in love or in friendship with this persona and one day your true self will come out and then there will be issues to deal with. If you just start out as yourself you do not have the pressure to remember who you were in your last situations. What freedom comes with being yourself!! This is how God intended it, and I believe that my generation has really been playing with these boundaries and I am going to separate myself from the norm and stand for what I believe to be true, and right, and pure. I want others around me to know that I have boundaries so they can trust me and not worry what I am feeling beneath the surface.

Just in the last couple of days I have addressed a couple situations where in the past I would have prayed and hoped that I had the strength to show the other person what I believe and if I am uncomfortable with the situation, I was hoping they would pick up on the "vibe". This time around I have asked the questions and given my opinion in order to feel comfortable with the situation at hand. It is so much easier to be up front on how everyone is feeling about each and every situation. I am not letting others push me into a situation without my full consent. (In saying this I am not blaming the other people from the past, I am just saying that I am becoming strong enough as a person to not go along with these situations) I love this freedom and I know without the little secrets being kept of feeling awkward in a situation because I will keep my mouth shut will help my relationship with the Lord as well as many others! I would encourage everyone to read/listen to these boundaries books! They explain why it is so important to have these boundaries for your safety and the safety of others in your relationships. I love you all and I can't wait to listen to the full boundaries books. God is so good and He is moving, I am just going to make sure I have His hand in mine instead of holding my own hand through the tough seasons and even the easiest of seasons! :) Have a great day and talk to you all soon!!!

From one perfect fit to another,
Amy~

Lately...

So, I am sorry that it has been so long since I have written last, and I would love to come up with a great reason/excuse why I have been away, but alas, I have no good excuse to come by. From a medical standpoint it is great because I am on half of my dose of Cabergoline so I have a half tablet on Wednesdays. I go back in on December 4th just for some blood draws to make sure that my tumor is not secreting any hormones that are abnormal. So far so good. I am just believing that this little guy is going to disappear on its own. That would be the most ideal situation. Everything looks great for now, nothing abnormal. The tumor is still the same size, but it has not grown at all. So, overall it is doing very well.

Besides my health I have been working for my dad still and I just returned to Nashville from a trip to Atlanta and then a girls' trip to New York with my mom and sister and my mom's friend Linda. It was so much fun to be with just girls. I came back last night and will be in Nashville until November 18th when I will drive home with Lexi. Hopefully there are not any early problems on the roads or else we may be driving south before coming back north. I must say though that I miss everyone back at home and the babies, but I know I will miss everyone here as well! That is what has been going on lately, I know short and sweet... Love you all!! Thanks again for the prayers, they are much appreciated! Talk to you soon, I hope! :)

Doc app today! :)

This is an email that Lex sent out earlier... I wanted to post something to keep you updated but am so tired... Love you all!

So Amy endured a six hour doctor visit today! She is still waiting for blood work results to hear if her tumor is secreting a growth hormone. If the tumor is secreting the growth hormone, surgery is the only option. If it is not she would have to take medication that is pretty harsh on your heart probably for her whole life. If put on the medication she will have to go back to the doctor to get an Eco-cardiogram and another MRI to make sure her heart is still okay in a year. They usually don't see any problems with such a low dose of the medication that she is on, but when she got her Eco-cardiogram she had a little bit of tricuspid valve regurgitation, which means some of her blood pumped back the opposite direction when her heart would beat so they want to keep an eye on it! The doctor did tell her that her pituitary gland is abnormally small, and may be part of the cause of her hormonal imbalance. With her pituitary gland being small they are not sure if it will be able to or is currently functioning properly.

Our new prayer is that her pituitary gland will grow to normal size and that her tumor would not be secreting a growth hormone!

Thank you everyone for praying! As we hear back from the doctors I will keep you all informed! We love you guys and are so blessed to have you to pray for Amy!

Lexi <3

Nashville...

This was me and LeeLee at her couples shower!

Me and Kathy after the shower, ready to go home!

So, I haven't written in quite some time, sorry about that! I have been in Nashville for about a month now, I am living with my friends Katie, Jenna, and Molly. It has been great and we have a very cute little house. It has been interesting to see what God is teaching me by being out here. He has showed me so much love through so many people! He has also shown me what I have at home with family and friends and is teaching me more and more about putting effort into my relationships and pursuing my friendships. Another thing that He has shown me is that there are some really great guys out there in the world. It is so nice to be surrounded by such amazing solid people. (not that I do not have amazing solid people at home) We played a rousing game of capture the flag last night and I was running trying to defend my team and I slid on some roots and rolled my ankle... I was out for the rest of the game, but my team, the Mighty Ducks/ Emelio Estaves (however you spell that) still won! :) I had 4 nurses, a physical trainer, a football player, and various others who were caring for me... They were all so sweet! The girls ran and got me a bag of ice from McDonalds and Brad took me home and Jeremy wrapped my foot up with a bag of mixed veggies and held together with tights. We ended the night with Caroline, Katie, Matt, and I singing worship songs in our kitchen. It was amazing!

We had our game faces on!

Now onto my health... I have a double appointment on Friday, one more an MRI and one for a bunch of fun blood tests... It will probably take between 4 and 5 hours. They are checking to see what is going on with my tumor. My last appointment my insulin growth factor was high and so what that means is that my tumor could be secreting a growth hormone and if it is then we have to have surgery asap. So we will see what goes on... Hopefully my chemo is doing its job and my tumor is getting smaller! :) I have had headaches more often and I had one day of hardcore headaches where it put me out for a day, but for the most part it is all good!

God is good all the time, all the time God is good! "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" Psalm 46: 10

Love you all and thanks for the continued prayer!!

As of late...

Hello everyone!! I know it has been a long time so I will try to catch everyone up on what has been going on! I have been feeling much better for the most part, but unfortunately my immune system has been low and so I catch pretty much everything.  I am getting over a sinus infection.  I am on a medication that I think may be working against my cabergoline, so I am thinking that I may need to call the doc and figure it all out! :)  I am excited because I went out with two of my cousins this weekend and it was so much fun!  We went downtown to this restaurant called "Departure" and it was really chic and fun, then we went to voodoo donuts, and then took photos downtown! 

In a few weeks we are going to Sunriver and then Irvine and then Gabby and I leave on July 31st for our road trip to Nashville!  That will be very fun and exciting!  I think God has big plans for Nashville...  I am just excited to go along for the ride!! I love you all!!  Muahhh!!!  Thanks for the continued prayer!! :)  For now I just would ask that I would continue to get better and get healthy and have my energy back! :)